Hello Happiness.

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." - Mark Twain



"So hold your head high gorgeous, people would kill to see you fall. In the dead of the night they can’t hear you screaming. You swear revenge, against them all." - Author Unknown


It is an interesting concept. That is the connection between anger and happiness. You can't be both. It is impossible. Because they are very opposite and strong emotions. And that is my "Ah-Ha" moment tonight. I realized I wanted both. I want to be angry at those who have hurt me. I want to hold that grudge, because for some reason I thought that if I gave up that feeling, I had lost. I have always seen forfeit as failure. And I don't want them to win. But at the same time, I have been searching for happiness. I want to be able to smile until my cheeks hurt, laugh until my mascara has been washed away completely, and to feel safe emotionally. 


But this is what I discovered tonight. That my anger hurts no one but myself and those around me trying to help me gain happiness. My anger came out as jealousy, low-self worth, and bitterness. Well no more. I have learned that to give up my anger is not to lose a battle, but to win the war. Those who hurt me, who lied to me, who laugh at my misery cringe at the thought that I am moving on. That I have forgiven them. Sure there will be others that will want to do me harm, but I have protected now. It's like my own secret service who job is to remind me to choose happiness daily. But it isn't just others who have hurt me. I have hurt myself. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Even in the past couple days, I have doubted my worthiness and asked myself if I am really worthy of the life I had been blessed with and the people around me. 


But no more. I forgive those who have hurt me. I forgive those who are going to hurt me. And most importantly, I forgive myself. I am my biggest critic. But you see, I have more than I deserve. Recent events have shown me how lucky I am. Because I am smart. I am funny. And I am beautiful. 


So I say now," Hello Happiness. I've been searching for you."