Too Late to Ask for a Do-Over?

So last night, my roommate and I were reminiscing about high school. Who we hung out with, classes, and just those years in general. And the one thing that kept going through was how much I wish I could do it all over. There are so many things I would do differently. Not because I hate my life or anything, but to put myself in better circumstances now and just to have been a better person overall. There were three things that stuck out about all though.


The first thing is that I wish I had built relationships. Sure I have a handful of people I still consider close friends from high school, but I never really was the friend I should have been. I never went to sports games, club events, or even just hung out with friends on the weekends. When my roommate and I were talking, we were in a Steak N' Shake surrounded by high schoolers hanging out after a football game. I never did that. The only time I ever went out of my way to hang out with people was my senior year. And I regret that. I wish I had gone to more school events. I wish I had gotten more involved. I wish I had taken more time to just hang out and build those friendships from the beginning of my high school career. 


 The second thing was that I wish I had challenged myself academically. To be honest, I took the classes that I knew I could pass with an A by doing the bare minimum. I never even went above and beyond on fun class projects. I should have taken more AP classes. I could've passed them. I am more than smart enough. But more than those two things, I wish I had taken college courses. I would have saved so much money if I hadn't been so stubborn. When I was a sophomore, I decided that if I was going to go to college then I wanted to go for all four years. Boy was I an idiot.I wish I had taken the courses needed for my general requirements. Granted, for my major, most of the credits wouldn't have transferred over as alternatives to the classes I have to take, but I would at least have Junior status right now. It would just have made the transition to college easier. But nope. I was dumb.


The third thing is my largest regret. I wish I had acted more like a Christian should have. I mean I don't think I was horrible or anything, but I should have been better. Matthew 25:40 says, " “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" I didn't stick up for those being made fun of. I didn't befriend the outcasts. I didn't show what Christ looks like to my school. Based on how I acted, I wouldn't doubt if all my classmates thought a Christian was just someone who follows the rules and goes to church. Because I did my share of lying, gossiping, and mocking. Probably more than my share. And when i wasn't joining in, I was silent. I didn't defend others like I should have. I mean I can't be Supergirl and do it all, but I definitely didn't do my part. And I want to say that if I ever hurt you or anything, that I am genuinely sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone with my words or actions. 


So those are  three of my regrets. They are quite large ones. If I could go back and change them, I bet I would be a different person. I might not be at the college I am now. I might not have the same friends. So maybe there was a reason I didn't do those things, but I guess I will never know.

....Just Try to Never Grow Up

It's fall, and I am wearing a big, warm coat. The slide looks a little intimidating for someone so afraid of heights, but right now, that doesn't matter. I climb the rope stairs, cross the bridge, and sit down at the top of the slide with my legs straight out in front of me. At the bottom of the long, and tall, slide, I see a beautiful face and open arms ready to catch me at the bottom. I feel the cool breeze turning my cheeks bright red as I push myself and gain momentum down the long sheet of plastic. Immediately, I feel the embrace of my mother and hear the joy in her laugh as she hugs me tight. 

Boy do I miss those days. It seems like just yesterday that I was caught up in a world of juice boxes and fairytales. And as I sit here, alone in my concrete dorm room, I start to wish I had never grown up. Why did things have to change? Why did I have to change? I miss the days when the daily question was "What do you want for supper?". I miss being able to run down the stairs on a Saturday morning and cuddle up to my dad with a bowl of Lucky Charms as we watched Pokemon on the WB. For goodness sake, I even miss spelling quizzes. Oh how I wish I could do those instead of term papers. 

Sure I still have parts of my childhood still. I love to watch cartoons and animated movies are still my favorite. I like taking a lollipop and gliding it across my lips like I am wearing lipstick. My sippy cup sits on my desk next to me as I type this, and my stuffed unicorn, duck, and tiger lay on my bed. I also have my baby blanket here with me. That's right, this college girl sleeps with a baby blanket, and you bet that if I could find a cool enough night light for my standards, I would have that too.

It just saddens me that I was in such a rush to grow up. What is even worse is that one day when I have kids and I tell them not to rush becoming an adult, they won't listen just as I did. No one ever listens when their parents say that. We just shake our heads and think they are just trying to stop us from doing super cool things like driving and dating. Honestly, none of it is worth giving up my childhood. For those of you in high school, enjoy your days, because although college is fun and a fantastic adventure, it is a whole lot of responsibility. 

There is just one song playing in my head right now, and that is "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift. Such a simple thought that is never achievable, but yet so true.

Honesty is Served.

How does one start the first entry of a blog? I guess like that...

Well I guess I wanted to start by stating the purpose of this blog. The first purpose is honesty. For those who know me, and know me well, know that what I want to say doesn't always come out the best way. This way, I get my thoughts, opinions, beliefs, whatever the way I mean for them to sound. And I want to say everything with the utmost amount of honesty. Just a warning, some of you may not like what I have to say sometimes. But that's the great thing about blogs, you don't HAVE to read them. So if you don't like what I have to say, then please don't read it. 

Some of you might be thinking, "Okay, we get you want to be honest, but what is with the dorky title?" Firstly, it is not dorky. Secondly, it is an inside joke with one of my best friends. And thirdly, it makes a lot of sense when it comes to honesty. If you think about it, how often do you apologize for your opinion? How often do you say just kidding when you realize that what you said might be unpopular? Well this blog is about just kidding about just kidding. No longer do I plan to apologize for my beliefs. The other great thing about a blog is that I can re-read what I wrote on here before I post it. Therefore I could pour out my heart and then realize that I might be a little too intense for the readers and then tone it down. I can reveal myself and hide myself in a blog at the same time! And none of you would be all the wiser. 

I plan to use this blog to tell stories, jokes, opinions, worries, and anything else I choose. You can choose to join my journey or not, because in the wise words of Dr. Suess, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Peace and Blessings