Hello Happiness.

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." - Mark Twain



"So hold your head high gorgeous, people would kill to see you fall. In the dead of the night they can’t hear you screaming. You swear revenge, against them all." - Author Unknown


It is an interesting concept. That is the connection between anger and happiness. You can't be both. It is impossible. Because they are very opposite and strong emotions. And that is my "Ah-Ha" moment tonight. I realized I wanted both. I want to be angry at those who have hurt me. I want to hold that grudge, because for some reason I thought that if I gave up that feeling, I had lost. I have always seen forfeit as failure. And I don't want them to win. But at the same time, I have been searching for happiness. I want to be able to smile until my cheeks hurt, laugh until my mascara has been washed away completely, and to feel safe emotionally. 


But this is what I discovered tonight. That my anger hurts no one but myself and those around me trying to help me gain happiness. My anger came out as jealousy, low-self worth, and bitterness. Well no more. I have learned that to give up my anger is not to lose a battle, but to win the war. Those who hurt me, who lied to me, who laugh at my misery cringe at the thought that I am moving on. That I have forgiven them. Sure there will be others that will want to do me harm, but I have protected now. It's like my own secret service who job is to remind me to choose happiness daily. But it isn't just others who have hurt me. I have hurt myself. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Even in the past couple days, I have doubted my worthiness and asked myself if I am really worthy of the life I had been blessed with and the people around me. 


But no more. I forgive those who have hurt me. I forgive those who are going to hurt me. And most importantly, I forgive myself. I am my biggest critic. But you see, I have more than I deserve. Recent events have shown me how lucky I am. Because I am smart. I am funny. And I am beautiful. 


So I say now," Hello Happiness. I've been searching for you."

All the Single Ladies... Oh and I guess Single Men can read too.

So I found this article/post thing while I was Stumbling and thought it was fantastic. It is titled "50 Dating Rules for Smart Girls Who Don't Need Dating Rules" and was written by a girl named Fajr.

I am keeping some of them out just for appropriateness. But I am going to attach the link for those of you who would like to read the entire thing, or share it yourself. I also am going to put my favorites in bold.

Here it is:

"Here are 50 dating rules for smart girls who could care less about dating rules!

1. Trust your instincts & always follow your heart

2. “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution .” ~Mae West

3. Being single is not the end of the world: it’s the most liberating time when you can do what you want, answer to no one and fall in love with yourself!

4. We’re independent, pay our own bills, change our tires and still want to be held; vulnerability makes you strong

5. Liking a guy is no excuse to act bat crap ( but not crap) crazy… be cool gal!

6. Dating is meant to be fun; not a spectator sport

7. Love is only as complicated as we make it

8. Everything you need to know about him, will reveal itself

9. Girls just wanna have fun is more than a song; it’s a way of life

10. Your Prince Charming does exist; but you don’t have to be Sleeping Beauty waiting for him to rescue you.

11. Respect is the minimum, disrespect is where to draw the line

12. Femininity is our gift; use it wisely

13. Sex and the City is a work of fiction, not a guide for life (learned this the hard way) (not me, her)

14. Don’t play hard to get, Be hard to get (definitely one of my favorites!)

15. A breakup does not equal breakdown. Can I get an AMEN?!

16. Playing small doesn’t pay: Let. Your. Light. Shine. Girl!

17. Match.com doesn’t make you pathetic but sitting home waiting for the one will make you bitter

18. Confidence is Sexy; Independence is even sexier

19. Maybe you’re just not that into HIM

20. Having a date doesn’t Vali-Date you

21. Being a size 0 won’t make him like you and if it does… he’s a jerk (but not jerk)!


22. A woman will have multiple great loves in her life and each one should make her a better woman

23. No man is perfect and neither are you! Get over yourself!


24. “A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.”~ Cher

25. Paying for dinner and opening doors aren’t reserved for men, they’re reserved for people with manners

26. Don’t make your single girlfriends out to be catty, jealous haters

27. Relationships are hard work; know this and fall in love anyway

28. Speaking your  mind won’t scare off the right guy, it will make him fall more

29. If you treat a first date like an interview, it will feel like one

30. You can only control one thing in a relationship: yourself

31. Be who you really are via @loveandtrash

32. Having a career, hobbies and a life are all prerequisites

33. There’s so much excitement in getting to know someone… take your time

34. A smile is the best introduction

35. Live and learn and be thankful you didn’t get Luvs

36. Men who write dating books for women have a special place in hell— Steve Harvey! (This one made me laugh.)

37. Don’t settle for less than butterflies— but you already knew that! 

38. If he doesn’t support your shoe habit, it’s not true love! (Made me laugh also.)

39. Being the best you will ultimately attract the best partner for you

40. Being picky isn’t a crime, being nitpicky is.

41. “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them” - Sex and the City (Not a fan of the show, but love this!)

42. Dating your self is great practice and teaches others how to love you (good one @StylisticTaste)

43. The antidote to desperation is self-confidence.

44. At the end of the day, be honest about how you feel and walk away. If he’s the one he’ll run to catch you "

There they are! I took out six of them for personal reasons and such. But I think a lot of these are smart. And some are obvious, but it's nice to get a good reminder every once in a while. :)

So to all my fellow single ladies out there, keep your chins up. The right guy is out there, but that doesn't mean we need to play the damsel in distress. <3

50 Dating Rules for Smart Girls Who Don't Need Dating Rules - The Real Article

Too Late to Ask for a Do-Over?

So last night, my roommate and I were reminiscing about high school. Who we hung out with, classes, and just those years in general. And the one thing that kept going through was how much I wish I could do it all over. There are so many things I would do differently. Not because I hate my life or anything, but to put myself in better circumstances now and just to have been a better person overall. There were three things that stuck out about all though.


The first thing is that I wish I had built relationships. Sure I have a handful of people I still consider close friends from high school, but I never really was the friend I should have been. I never went to sports games, club events, or even just hung out with friends on the weekends. When my roommate and I were talking, we were in a Steak N' Shake surrounded by high schoolers hanging out after a football game. I never did that. The only time I ever went out of my way to hang out with people was my senior year. And I regret that. I wish I had gone to more school events. I wish I had gotten more involved. I wish I had taken more time to just hang out and build those friendships from the beginning of my high school career. 


 The second thing was that I wish I had challenged myself academically. To be honest, I took the classes that I knew I could pass with an A by doing the bare minimum. I never even went above and beyond on fun class projects. I should have taken more AP classes. I could've passed them. I am more than smart enough. But more than those two things, I wish I had taken college courses. I would have saved so much money if I hadn't been so stubborn. When I was a sophomore, I decided that if I was going to go to college then I wanted to go for all four years. Boy was I an idiot.I wish I had taken the courses needed for my general requirements. Granted, for my major, most of the credits wouldn't have transferred over as alternatives to the classes I have to take, but I would at least have Junior status right now. It would just have made the transition to college easier. But nope. I was dumb.


The third thing is my largest regret. I wish I had acted more like a Christian should have. I mean I don't think I was horrible or anything, but I should have been better. Matthew 25:40 says, " “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" I didn't stick up for those being made fun of. I didn't befriend the outcasts. I didn't show what Christ looks like to my school. Based on how I acted, I wouldn't doubt if all my classmates thought a Christian was just someone who follows the rules and goes to church. Because I did my share of lying, gossiping, and mocking. Probably more than my share. And when i wasn't joining in, I was silent. I didn't defend others like I should have. I mean I can't be Supergirl and do it all, but I definitely didn't do my part. And I want to say that if I ever hurt you or anything, that I am genuinely sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone with my words or actions. 


So those are  three of my regrets. They are quite large ones. If I could go back and change them, I bet I would be a different person. I might not be at the college I am now. I might not have the same friends. So maybe there was a reason I didn't do those things, but I guess I will never know.

....Just Try to Never Grow Up

It's fall, and I am wearing a big, warm coat. The slide looks a little intimidating for someone so afraid of heights, but right now, that doesn't matter. I climb the rope stairs, cross the bridge, and sit down at the top of the slide with my legs straight out in front of me. At the bottom of the long, and tall, slide, I see a beautiful face and open arms ready to catch me at the bottom. I feel the cool breeze turning my cheeks bright red as I push myself and gain momentum down the long sheet of plastic. Immediately, I feel the embrace of my mother and hear the joy in her laugh as she hugs me tight. 

Boy do I miss those days. It seems like just yesterday that I was caught up in a world of juice boxes and fairytales. And as I sit here, alone in my concrete dorm room, I start to wish I had never grown up. Why did things have to change? Why did I have to change? I miss the days when the daily question was "What do you want for supper?". I miss being able to run down the stairs on a Saturday morning and cuddle up to my dad with a bowl of Lucky Charms as we watched Pokemon on the WB. For goodness sake, I even miss spelling quizzes. Oh how I wish I could do those instead of term papers. 

Sure I still have parts of my childhood still. I love to watch cartoons and animated movies are still my favorite. I like taking a lollipop and gliding it across my lips like I am wearing lipstick. My sippy cup sits on my desk next to me as I type this, and my stuffed unicorn, duck, and tiger lay on my bed. I also have my baby blanket here with me. That's right, this college girl sleeps with a baby blanket, and you bet that if I could find a cool enough night light for my standards, I would have that too.

It just saddens me that I was in such a rush to grow up. What is even worse is that one day when I have kids and I tell them not to rush becoming an adult, they won't listen just as I did. No one ever listens when their parents say that. We just shake our heads and think they are just trying to stop us from doing super cool things like driving and dating. Honestly, none of it is worth giving up my childhood. For those of you in high school, enjoy your days, because although college is fun and a fantastic adventure, it is a whole lot of responsibility. 

There is just one song playing in my head right now, and that is "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift. Such a simple thought that is never achievable, but yet so true.